Hey there,

Today, let’s do something different.

Instead of showing you what works, I’m going to show you what doesn’t. I recently received this cold email:

Bad cold email

Yikes. This message is practically begging for the spam folder. Let’s break down why it fails to convert (and what you should do instead):

1️⃣ No profile picture

❌ Amelia didn’t add a profile pic.

✅ Give your emails a face to build rapport. This also improves the deliverability of your campaigns.

2️⃣ Generic opener

❌ Amelia starts with “Hi there”.

✅ Personalize your emails with the recipient’s name to make them feel like your email was written specifically for them.

3️⃣ No personalization

❌ This email could have been sent to anyone.

✅ Start your cold emails with a personalized icebreaker to show you’ve done your homework and make your message instantly relevant.

4️⃣ Self-centered pitch

❌ The email only talks about “we” and “our service”.

✅ Use the “2:1 Rule” to focus on the recipients’ needs and goals. Help them answer this question: What’s in it for them?

5️⃣ Price-first approach

❌ Amelia mentions a price tag right away, without providing value.

✅ Highlight results and ROI first. Show how your service delivers real benefits before discussing cost.

6️⃣ No credibility markers

❌ Zero mention of past successes or happy clients.

✅ Include specific results, testimonials, or case studies from similar clients to showcase your expertise and build trust.

7️⃣ Weak CTA

❌ Amelia finishes with a vague call-to-action.

✅ End your cold emails with a clear, low-friction ask to gently nudge your prospect in the right direction.

So, with this in mind…

Here’s how I would rewrite this email:

Improved cold email

See the difference? The revised version is personalized, specific, and puts the focus on the recipient’s needs – not the sender’s.

Got a cold email you’d like me to review? Hit reply and send it over – I’d love to help you spot opportunities to finetune it!

Happy sending,

Laura