Hey there,
Today, let’s do something different.
Instead of showing you what works, I’m going to show you what doesn’t. I recently received this cold email:
Yikes. This message is practically begging for the spam folder. Let’s break down why it fails to convert (and what you should do instead):
1️⃣ No profile picture
❌ Amelia didn’t add a profile pic.
✅ Give your emails a face to build rapport. This also improves the deliverability of your campaigns.
2️⃣ Generic opener
❌ Amelia starts with “Hi there”.
✅ Personalize your emails with the recipient’s name to make them feel like your email was written specifically for them.
3️⃣ No personalization
❌ This email could have been sent to anyone.
✅ Start your cold emails with a personalized icebreaker to show you’ve done your homework and make your message instantly relevant.
4️⃣ Self-centered pitch
❌ The email only talks about “we” and “our service”.
✅ Use the “2:1 Rule” to focus on the recipients’ needs and goals. Help them answer this question: What’s in it for them?
5️⃣ Price-first approach
❌ Amelia mentions a price tag right away, without providing value.
✅ Highlight results and ROI first. Show how your service delivers real benefits before discussing cost.
6️⃣ No credibility markers
❌ Zero mention of past successes or happy clients.
✅ Include specific results, testimonials, or case studies from similar clients to showcase your expertise and build trust.
7️⃣ Weak CTA
❌ Amelia finishes with a vague call-to-action.
✅ End your cold emails with a clear, low-friction ask to gently nudge your prospect in the right direction.
So, with this in mind…
Here’s how I would rewrite this email:
See the difference? The revised version is personalized, specific, and puts the focus on the recipient’s needs – not the sender’s.
Got a cold email you’d like me to review? Hit reply and send it over – I’d love to help you spot opportunities to finetune it!
Happy sending,
Laura